Wuxiaworld > The One Who Kills Time > 5 Chapter 4: And so, the second class begins

5 Chapter 4: And so, the second class begins



I walked into English class hoping that today we would get to write another essay. Hopefully, one in which I have a lot to write about. The informal style of my writing and poor expressions causes my teacher quite a bit of worry, but I enjoy writing in this manner and have fun, so I do not particularly care. It's not like my English is as bad as my chemistry anyway.

"Everyone to your seats. Are we missing anyone at the moment?"

"Everyone except Randy and Celeste are here!"

"Those two are always a little late..."

"Ah, here they come!"

Randy and Celeste run in through the door and to their seats.

"Whoops! Sorry, sir!" They shouted in unison. Damn, do they have to be that in sync? More importantly, how long did they take to get a drink? Practically everyone else in class managed to get a drink faster than them.

Oh, wait a minute. Randy and I were the last to leave class, and Celeste waited for Randy before getting a drink.

Tsk, so it's my fault?

"Okay everyone, settle down. Today will be a timed practice. You all are to choose from these 12 questions. The theme for this week is politics."

Although I like to write, when faced with topics which I have no interest in such as politics, I'm at a loss. When I do not care about something, as much as I try to fake an opinion I just cannot produce any convincing argument. To me, writing an essay is all about persuading the reader to take on my point of view or at the very least, understand my perspective.

In reality, I really don't care whether it makes an impact on their lives but when I'm writing... it just feels important for one reason or another. I guess, at the very least, I want to convince myself that I have an opinion. To reassure myself that I have some sense of individuality... Often times, I would just go with the flow. It makes me feel like I'm just trying to fit into a pre-constructed image built for me by those around me. After all, their perception of me is based on the actions of my past self. Surely, one of their images of me must be correct? Or perhaps, all are genuine. Thus, I should make an effort to fulfil the image that overlaps with everyone's perception of me. At least that's the excuse I make to myself looking back on all the times I unconsciously followed the crowd.

In the end, I only have a sense of individuality on paper. No matter how I may portray my thoughts to be unique or profound depending on who reads them, my daily actions never change. I go with the flow because it is so much easier than going against the flow. Actually... the more I think about it, I think it would be more accurate to say that I merely exist in a way that I do not disrupt the flow.

Without changing who I am at the core, I just display a different image of myself depending on who I meet. The anime nerd in front of fellow anime fans. The diligent student in front of teachers and parents. The one who is obsessed with hentai in front of my perverted guy friends. The quiet and reserved student in front of relatives and those who I'm not close to.


What exactly is my core anyway? Frankly speaking, the images I portray depending on the people I'm with are all rather genuine. I do not think I am exactly lying to those I interact with when I behave in different manners. I mean, I do love my anime, it is just that I do not think much about each and every one. I like to just watch as many different anime as possible and experience many different thoughts and emotions. My diligent self is not exactly a lie either. If I deem it to be important, I'll always make sure to give it my all. Or at least, that is what I believe. As much as I hate to admit feelings of lust because it makes me despise myself a little more than I already do, I can't completely deny that I do not like watching or reading hentai online. And lastly... If I'm not yet comfortable with the person... obviously I'd be quiet and reserved. I mean, I would not know which fragment of my self to reveal to them unless I know which one the specific person would most likely accept.

Just like people have different food preferences, people also have different preferences as to what sort of people they want to hang out with. I just need to mix and match different pieces of my personality with the variety of people I meet on a daily basis. By doing so, I can at least remain on good enough terms with those around me to feel at ease.

"..."

Bringing food into the picture makes me kind of hungry.

Oh Crap! That reminds me it's break time next!

I better start on my essay so I can finish in time for the break!

Guess I'll just go with the first question,

"Political leaders should always be truthful to their citizens." Do you agree?

At least for this question, I can probably try my luck by explaining how morals such as honesty and integrity are essential to earning trust. At the same time, I can maybe side with politicians and claim that it may sometimes be necessary to lie or tell half-truths for the future prosperity of the country or something like that. I mean, there may be cases in which political leaders can see a way to make the country better but knows that most people would not understand so takes action in secret while putting up a front. The main issue would be coming up with examples since I don't know anything about politics and the like. All I can do is discuss ethical issues of lying and the possible gains or losses one could experience while deceiving others.

Come to think of it, in a sense I'm not much better considering how I was just thinking of how I only show different people a small part of my entire "self". But political leaders and I are in two completely different groups so it should be fine.

It's okay if no one knows my entire genuine self.

Even if I, myself, do not know.