Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 24 Chapter Twenty Three: Is My Child Really Born Again?

24 Chapter Twenty Three: Is My Child Really Born Again?

A Word of Advice To All Christian Parents

Another major cause of rebellion among Christian Kids, as they grow up, is a lack of genuine relationship with God. Every Christian Parent needs to be sure his growing kids are sincerely born again.

When kids are brought up in Christian homes, we are always quick to assume that they are believers from birth and expect them to act like one, any day, anywhere, anytime. And this is exactly what most of them do; act it so perfectly that we do not know they are not! They become just like an actor who is chosen to act a major character in a stage play.

Having to stay around believers every day of their lives is enough rehearsal for them to know what to say, what to do, how to dress, and whatsoever is expected of a believer at every particular point in time. Though the Bible reveals that by their fruits we shall know them, but these ones know the exact good fruits fellow believers are on the watch out for, and they are careful to produce just that, anytime they are around someone who may be disappointed if they produce otherwise, although they are capable of producing worse than that, especially when occasions demand.


They may presently be going through a serious internal spiritual dilemma about their faith but it seldom reflects in their outward appearance initially. This spiritual wrestling going on in their hearts is always because their confession of Christianity as their choice of religion is more of a family tradition, which is far from confessing Christ as their Lord and Savior. The former is a prepackaged faith, handed over to them by their father, which is supposed to be handed over to their own sons, while the latter is a profession of sound spiritual depth, oozing from a grace-filled heart and faith that is tried, tested and proven.

The whole struggle and dissatisfaction comes from the fact that they do not know Jesus personally but they are not mature enough to realize that, they are just kids. Most Christian Kids who attend Sunday School regularly know more about Jesus than almost every one of their mates. That is just it - they know all about Jesus, but that doesn't mean they actually know Him; they know all the answers to all the questions, all the parables, every beatitude, and a list of His miracles too.

It is a great error to assume that since a child is born into a Christian family, he is a genuine follower of Christ. Many preacher-parents are misled by the fact that their boy or girl had said the sinner's prayer to them.

Just like the moon, although they illuminate their environment, they do not have a source of light of their own. They only reflect the light they receive from the sun, which in this case, is their parent. The moment they move away from this source of light which they tend to reflect, the darker their light dims!


What the parents believe to be salvation is just an idea superimposed on his mind; nothing more, nothing less! His attitudes and actions may not betray any rebellion, but his present mindset is more of that of a star actor on a stage play, who only says what is needed to be said at the right time it has to be said, and does whatever action needs to be done at the time it is expected of him, as he waits for the period when the episode will end. For such kids, that episode ends once they are free from the bondage of their preacher-parents grip and are able to stand on their own, to decide which angle they want their lives to face.

It is at this time that the rebellious spirit, though passive before now, becomes visible and more active. One discovers that there is no genuine love for God or true commitment to his works before now. He attends church services only when it is convenient for him, spends only the leftover of his money on church activities and is not excited to talk openly about Christ or his commitment to him. This is Passive Rebellion, a sharp contrast from the person he was raised to become.

Your son, unknown to you, may be doing all the right things expected of him at the right time and in the right way right in the church, but unknown to you, may be doing them for the wrong reasons. He may just be a robot whose remote control lies in your hands, and what you call obedience may not be done for the love of Christ but as church or family obligation.

This prepackaged faith needs to be unpacked and repacked so as to ensure it is a genuine package. The process of reclaiming the faith as theirs always takes place once they get to the age of accountability when every Preacher's Kid needs to move from believing in the faith of their parents to seeing faith as a personal relationship with God.

This transmission from parental faith to personal faith, which for many often coincides with their teenage or youthful years, is not always without some struggles. It is at this stage, most times, that they need their parents most, since it is this stage they begin to challenge most of what their parents believe in. This is not because they want to kick against it but because they need to take a more concrete decision about their relationship with God.

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These actions are what most Christian parents misjudge as rebellious, and so react sharply against them at the moment they need to be most understanding with them. This period, for some, may be filled with a number of minor crises between the PKs and their parents, elders in the church and the church as a whole. For some others, it could be a major battle, one that can last for several years.

Spiritually Coated Environment

This false assumption of the true status of their sons has made so many preacher-parents let down their guards. The problem is not because the kids willingly choose to rebel, but because there were no deep roots, although their leaves sprung up. For them, it is so easy to be deceived into believing they are believers since their natural habitat is tailor-made to make them talk like, look like, and act like a believer all the time. This, which most Christian parents see as salvation, is a deceptive salvation.

There is something comical about growing up in a highly spiritually sensitive environment that can make a Preacher's Kid learn all the physical demonstrations and church manifestations of a spiritual person without having any iota of spirituality in him.

The way of life of so many Pastors' Kids is enough to conclude that it is possible to have so much scriptural knowledge and still be referred to as a spiritual mediocre. With very minimal effort, one is assumed to be a believer in good standing since one easily meets up with the church's expectation of who a believer is.

The external spiritual appearance is not commensurate with the internal spiritual growth that is going on in them. He walks with a spiritual carriage, speaks all the spiritually-coated language and puts on dresses expected of a Christian Kid, but all he has is a form of godliness and not a relationship with Christ. Although he is biblically versed and theologically sound and has brought home many championship trophies by representing either his home church or his school at various Bible competitions, all he has is just head knowledge of some memorized verses and all of the popular (with few of the unpopular) Bible stories.

Growing up in a Christian home should raise the spiritual stock value of a Christian teen, but if not well handled, it could bounce back to do exactly otherwise. Due to the spiritually coated environment in which they are raised, they tend to know so much about Christ but really do not know him personally. What most of them have gathered over the years are just biblical stories and theological information and until these are turned into personal convictions in their hearts that will help them desire a closer walk with God, they remain spiritually irrelevant to them, although they may be of great benefit academically.

Often, the parental interest is not on a genuine daily Christ-like living but on an adopted spiritual lifestyle. With this kind of lifestyle, there is always a sharp divide between what we think they believe and what is going on in their minds. God's word to them, in this case, are just abstract information and not concrete issues that can govern the life of a young man. Christianity is seen either as a family culture or a personal hobby, not anything more than that or close to a passionate relationship with the risen Lord.


This adopted faith looks good on them and makes them look good, as long as they are within the confines of the spiritually coated environment. The challenge becomes obvious when these kids are presented with the opportunity to leave these sanitized settings and mingle with the real world.

Almost everything in a pastor's house helps you to appear spiritual even if you are not. The videos, the musicals, the magazines, the wall paintings, even the television channels you watch, the discussions allowed, up to the drink on the table at dinner time, all make you portray a form of godliness, despite denying the power in it.

To make matters worse, most of them even go to Christian schools all of their days. The resistance to faith that comes from the environmental forces which are needed to make their faith stronger in Christ is not there. Until they find themselves in an atmosphere where they are allowed to do otherwise without being punished for it, their true nature which is enveloped by the spiritual coating is never exposed.

With this kind of lifestyle, it is so easy to fall away from a close and intimate relationship with Christ the moment one leaves home to another environment that is not as spiritually conditioned as the one he is coming from. Most times, getting admission into college and mixing with other students in an environment totally different from that which they grew up always gives them the opportunity needed to discover if they are really believers or just actors. Sad to say, only a few of them come out as genuine believers; most of them are just environment-friendly believers.

There are some situations of life that force a person's true character to surface. The Pastor's Kid is not allowed to experience these situations while still growing up in a controlled spiritually isolated environment until he escapes into the real world, unprepared to meet these challenges. These situations are designed to make them stronger, and drive them closer to the Lord, while deepening their roots in the faith. But most of them meet these situations when they are far away from the purged atmosphere created for them at the home front and there is hardly anyone around to spoon-feed them by purging this new environment for them and encouraging them to stand for the faith, as it is always done at home. They have never been allowed to deal with reality. They have always lived their lives in an ideal environment, so rather than learn to depend and trust God, they only flourished in a spiritually saturated environment.

For teenagers who are highly active and explorative, this spiritual seclusion, spiritual pampering, and co-dependency will only make them grow into weak and unhealthy believers who may be defenseless to spiritual threats whenever found in the midst of a hostile spiritual environment. They are spiritually spoon-fed from childhood to adulthood, without being left alone at any time to prepare their own spiritual meals themselves while being monitored by the preacher-parents.

They get accustomed to subcontracting their spiritual responsibilities and their own spiritual growth and maturity to higher powers, basically their parents or a close elder in the church. They have been so shielded from the hostile world system that so many of them do not even know it exists and those who believe it does, do not really believe it is as strong as it is until they, by chance, with their weak, homegrown, untested faith, developed in a spiritually pruned environment, have a direct encounter with the system.

Any simple opportunity to test the convictions of their beliefs, be it in form of trials, temptations or pressure from friends, most of them will easily fall flat on their faces. The devil is fully aware of this but the church is not.

Religion, to them, is like a Life Support Program where everything needed for life and godliness is provided by the medical practitioners on duty (which in this case is their parent) in their safe and protected religious environment. They always think life will continue like this.

Truly, while growing up, Christian kids need to be protected from every dart this corrupt world system will hurl at them through the media, internet, entertainment, education and the like, but as they grow up, our responsibility needs to change from just simply being overprotective to preparing them to face the challenges of their age. This is the only way to grow a spiritually sound Pastor's Kid. Spiritual strength is never developed by constantly avoiding a face-off with the devil; it only produces a weak-willed, coward believer who will easily get broken under any light-weight temptation or attack from the enemy. A tree in the forest is only as strong as the fiercest storm it has withstood and not the one it has been protected from. A genuine believer can only be as strong as the temptations he has overcome and not the one he has been shielded from. Hence the popular cliché; no pain, no gain.

Another angle to it is that you have given to the world greater power than it really has, if you feel that the blood of Jesus cannot secure your child when he comes in contact with the system. If the blood of Jesus will not secure a child's destiny, how much can a preacher-parent do?

For those who succeed in growing up in this circuit, alienated from the world since their birth, these kids grow up to have nothing to do with the world, either to minister to its lost souls or to bring them back to the Lord. This is the reason why we have so many adult believers today, whose parents are at the forefront of the kingdom business, but they are just nominal believers who achieve little or nothing for the kingdom. All they feel they owe God and His church is just their regular attendance in the church; nothing more, nothing less!

Jesus could have protected the disciples from experiencing the storm in the sea, but as much as He would have loved to, He knew He would not be helping them by shielding them completely away from these experiences. So, on one occasion, He pretended to be sleeping in the boat in order to see how they would handle the situation. Seeing the best they could offer, given the present circumstance while He was still with them, He rebuked them. On another occasion, Jesus encouraged Peter to walk on the sea. All of these experiences cumulatively built the faith of the disciples who today are now referred to as the apostles. Some preacher-parents also need to pretend they are sleeping once in a while so as to watch how their grown-up kids will handle some situations in their life and not wait until they meet the situation unmonitored. They should be left alone for a while, and like Jesus, watch from afar to see if their bold-mouthed Peter can walk on sea unaided by the master (their parents) without sinking.


This is not to encourage us to recklessly expose our kids to the corrupt world system without placing any guard at all. This will be unreasonable, as one big blow from the devil may crush an innocent tender heart. The problem is being overprotective. As much as we need to pay very close attention to what our children contend with, we also need to coach them on how to deal with these issues themselves, using the word of the Lord. This makes us coaches who train them on how to walk in the way they should go, and this is much better than being their baby sitters who carry them every inch of the way, all day long.

If the parent's desire is to keep them spiritually safe, they will succeed with ease in keeping them safe for a long time, but we will also unconsciously succeed in keeping them spiritually feeble. Spiritual muscles are developed in the same way physical muscles are, by exerting the muscles from time to time, otherwise, what you get is just spiritual fatness rather than strong spiritual muscles. A child fed with all the balanced diet in the world may look healthy from afar, but he can't withstand in the boxing ring his mate who in addition with the balanced diet has built his muscles through constant training.

Rather than bother your heads with how much of the world system gets to your kids, be more concerned about how much of it gets into them. This indeed is how to raise an effective Christian kid. Otherwise, they will find it difficult to overcome any external threat to their faith once they are alone. Kids raised contrary to this will only remain safe for as long as their Christian parents can replicate the exact safe haven they have at home in each and everywhere they go. Once these protective covering is tampered with, and their faith is exposed to the harsh realities of system of the world which they have not been trained to handle on their own, they are likely to fall like a pack of cards before the wind.

The continuous development of the fruit of the Spirit in the life of a growing Christian child is ensured each time the child faces a temptation to express the exact opposite quality of the particular character of the fruit of the Spirit and he overcomes the temptation. If these opportunities, which most times comes as temptations are not available, one may be deceived that his teenage son really exhibits all the manifestations of the fruit of the spirit, until he is shocked to find out he has been deceived.

The truth be told, either in the physical or spiritual, there is no safety in enslaved freedom. Real safety is only guaranteed if one can defend this freedom any day, anytime, anywhere.

Last Note:

All the complaints and challenges mentioned herein may not be seen as a general representation of all of the experiences of all Preachers Kids. Each has its peculiarity. However, the truth still remains, that every P.K. will be able to relate with, if not all, at least a larger part of these challenges.