Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 20 Chapter Nineteen: IS MY CHILD REALLY REBELLIOUS?

20 Chapter Nineteen: IS MY CHILD REALLY REBELLIOUS?



Before you begin to develop high your blood pressure unnecessarily, you need to be sure of the allegations you are pinning on your kid. It is not every time your teenage son or daughter does something which gets you annoyed that shows he or she is rebelling. Which of us did not at one time or the other step on our parents' toes when we were growing up as young adults? It will be a grievous error to make the mistake of considering everything the child does wrong as rebellion or to assume every time he does not accept what you say unquestionably that he is rebelling. He is a free moral agent with his own will power too and not a robot.

Calling rebellious a child who is not one can be very prophetic, especially if it is coming from the anointed tongue of a man of God like you. You need to be sure that what you call rebellion is actually rebellion and not just a mild protest to unjust action or a normal display of youthful exuberance that will wear away with time. If not, you may end up sowing the seed of a rebellious attitude on a fertile ground that had none of it before. This may be catastrophic. A good child needs to be appreciated for whatever he does right as well as corrected for what he does wrong, but should not be labeled what he is not because of a little error.

You will not call the same teenager a failure in life simply because he has failed a midterm test. So why call a good boy a rebel for simply reacting when his parents step on his toes. At times, our overreaction as parents to issues which are the norm of the day to every teenager, and on which the Bible is categorically silent, but which is against our cultural upbringing, can make Pastors' Kids feel unfortunate to be born into a pastor's family. This can incite a rebellious attitude against God in some of them.

Whatever is not against the clear moral standard of the balanced gospel should not become a major source of crisis between a Preacher's Kid and his preacher-parents so as not to unconsciously begin to transform the heart of a nice Christian boy or a sweet Christian girl into a rebellious ground because of cultural or generational differences. A good example of this is compelling your seventeen-year-old teenage daughter to dress like her seventy-year-old aged grandmother to her friend's sixteenth birthday party and expect her not to react. This, in a sense, cannot be called rebellion against God.

It is one thing to conclude from your observations of their quirky behavior that your son is on the rebellion train, but it is another thing for God to fully agree with you. What you label rebellion may be your daughter's open reaction to the old fashioned religious practices and the shortcomings

of the particular brand of Christianity that you are marketing to her. Some of the things your generations learnt to do in the name of 'sanctified living' may be a far cry from the definition of holiness in this generation. God truly has not changed from whom He is when He introduced Himself to Abraham as the "I am that I am", but men's perception of Him has been changing from generation to generation and this does not necessarily change His principles or tamper with His establishment.


Just as God is not interested in whether your face cap is worn with the tip to the front in the last generation or to the back in this generation, or whether you read the Bible from a handwritten papyrus scroll like in Apostle Paul's days, from printed papers as in your days, or from the screen of a mobile gadget as in their days, most of what your generation has come to identify with godly living, as good as they may look, may cause constant friction between you and your son or daughter, if not well handled. This is the same way Apostle Peter would have been surprised at the use of drum sets and pianos in our church services today, rather than tambourines and clapping that his generation was used to.

In order to reduce the frequency of frictions you have with your son or daughter, you may need to redefine your concept of holiness and godly living. Make a choice; either to be pleased with just seeing your son living to please the Lord heartily and happily, or living to please the human authorities over the church sadly and coldly, which could lead him out of the church and into the world. A spiritually-minded parent should prefer the former to the latter.

Each time you place a dividing rule between God, your son, your church denomination, and the world, your son may not fall on the same side with your church denominations, but as long as he falls on the side of God, be assured that he is safe from the roaring lions in the world. One who is in step with the Lord will definitely be out of step with the world.

TYPES OF REBELLIONS

Pastor's Kids rebellions can be viewed from two different angles, either active rebellion or passive rebellion.

ACTIVE REBELLION

Those who rebel actively by being highly vocal in their decision to turn against the religious flow their parents had encouraged them to take are easily noticed because of the outward demonstration of their inner convictions. These are the ones that are quickly recognizable and often labeled as rebellious. A huge portion of this book addresses this group of Preacher's Kids

PASSIVE REBELLION

Worse still, there are some who remain obedient and who do all the things that are expected of them while growing up, but whose minds are in hot rebellion against what they practice. Although, the respect they have for their parents, and the little fear of God that still remains in their hearts will not make them voice out their opinion, but one may be able to sense it in their lack of passion and commitment to the things of God.

Instead of growing up to be strong Christian adults who will be on fire for the Lord, touching the lives of both their children and others positively for the kingdom, they grow up to be very passive and lukewarm believers, which is a sharp blend from what they were trained to be.

Since Passive Rebellion is not aggressive, the symptoms are not easily noticeable to an average onlooker. It only comes in the form of spiritual indifference and passive Christianity, and only a very sensitive person can discern it.

The quiet passive rebellion may seem preferable and acceptable because it is less volatile and unreactive compared to the active one, but it is not less destructive, as all rebellion leads the Preacher's Kid away from the Lord if not rightly attended to maturely on time.

SIGNS OF WAYWARDNESS & WORLDLINESS

Rebellion is like a tree; it does not grow the same day it is planted. It starts of by shooting its roots into the soil in order to have a firm grip and stability before growing upward on the surface of the soil. Rebellion, at the time it begins to appear on the surface in the life of any Christian kid, has already taken deep roots; so much has happened underneath.

In tackling rebellion, one may need the Spirit of God to know when it begins to develop its roots as this is the best period to attack it before it takes roots. If one is not sensitive enough, the next best time is when one begins to notice its growth on the surface.

Rebellion has more to do with what is going on inside the person than what is happening outside. What has happened outside is only a reflection of what has transpired inside. Most parents take this trivial initial sign for granted, thinking it is still small and can be curtailed at any time, without knowing that the root is already firm in the ground, and if allowed some more time, it will grow up to become a mighty tree which will take more effort to cut down. For every little sign of rebellion you notice in the life of your kid, there is a deep-seated, intertwined, firmly gripped root under the surface. So do not postpone actions; address it immediately.

In this part, we will consider some little signs of rebellion, waywardness or worldliness in a Preacher's Kid.

One major sign of rebellion in the life of any Preacher's Kid is that he begins to reject the value system he has been brought up with. This rejection is completely different from asking honest questions about his father's faith in order to know more about what his preacher-parents believe; it is actually a complete attack on those beliefs. He constantly projects strong arguments against biblical standards and becomes strongly antagonistic to the things of God.

It is always as though a wicked virus had escaped into the memory card of his spiritual life, formatted all the spiritual programs in the hard drive that stores all the training he has been given before now, and reinstalled the latest version of a new application, World Affinity 3.0, which naturally causes him to react against anything that has to do with Christ or his church.

The things of the spirit naturally begin to annoy him. At the initial stage, he starts by complaining about his father's over-commitment to church activities for no just cause until it advances to a great protest about spiritual things. He intentionally blocks God and related matters out of his life. The spiritual passion with which he used to be known while growing up as a tender believer begins to dwindle.
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The hunger for spiritual things dies in him. He loses all the excitements he has about God and all the spiritual steam he has about the church. His spiritual temperature drops to room temperature, nothing exciting about it. Anything about Jesus is handled with a lackadaisical attitude. He used to be a dedicated worker in church but now, the things of the Spirit do not enthuse him. If at all he does anything in church again, he does it with reluctance, especially if he cannot avoid them.

He becomes highly disinterested in spiritual advice. The word of God becomes extremely irritating to him. He turns deaf hears to advice from either his parents or any spiritual being. He will rather listen to a fellow lost kid share his experiences about the vanities in the world than listen to spiritually uplifting words of encouragement from a spiritual person. He intentionally refuses to listen to any instruction that takes its roots from the Bible. He feels that following the precepts of the Bible has done enough harm to his parents, and he is not ready to sacrifice his young life on the same altar. He needs to enjoy life to the ultimate, and the Bible is too old fashioned to guide him.

Since he is detached from the Lord and does not feel comfortable about the church, he begins to miss church services at will without any genuine excuse. If he must give reasons before absconding from services, any thinkable reason at all, whether reasonable to the hearer or not, is presentable enough for him. Just anything to say to avoid being in God's presence.

In place of his former spirituality, he begins to embrace everything that is against what his family ever stands for. He has a very high criminal tendency, is involved in drugs, alcohol, and lives a promiscuous life. All of these and more become the substitute to his spiritual fervor. Everyone around begins to wonder what is wrong with him, or what has happened to him, or why a Pastor's Kid should behave like he does, but he is not moved. He places more value on and tends to associate more with the things of the world than the things of the Lord.

He begins to see God as no big deal, Christ as just a religious leader, and refer to Jesus merely as a big Uncle; Bros Jay is his nickname for Him. He begins to take God for granted. He may not behave like an antichrist or an enemy of the Gospel, depending on how far he has gone into carnality, but he obviously turns his back on God and anything that has to do with him.

He is always found to be challenging constituted authorities either in the church or in his school. He is disrespectful, rude to elders, bad-mannered and lawless. He refuses chastisement and correction, either openly or privately.

PROTECTING THE PREACHER'S INTEGRITY

All these are the foundations for his rebellion against God. Once you notice one or a combination of any of these symptoms in your child's life, it is time to address them immediately. Do not wait until the little mustard seed grows to become like a cedar tree before attending to it. These symptoms, if addressed immediately, can foster a more cordial relationship both between a Preacher's Kid and his preacher-parents and also between the Preacher's Kid and his Father in heaven.

The challenge with most men of God is that they try to cover up and wait until things get out of hand before they start looking for emergency solutions. They will rather put in more effort in re-branding their diminishing public image at the expense of the best interest of their son or daughter.

Their preoccupation with image control has become a bigger challenge to them. They try selfishly to hide their challenges with their sons and daughters so as to protect their withering ego. Even when the eventuality has happened, in their minds, they insist no child can afford to bring shame to the family, or mockery to their ministry, and they do all in their power to cover it up.

A female Preacher's Kid who becomes mistakenly impregnated out of wedlock is bundled away from home in the middle of the night to a relative who stays far away from the church environment. This is done not primarily to give the young erring lady good antenatal services and a renewal of her commitment to the Lord but to protect the image of the preacher parent. A young boy who is discovered to be rude and unmannerly is sent to a boarding school or made to travel abroad before the members of the church discover and start complaining about his uncultured manners.

All of these may indeed protect the pastor's image temporarily, but it is like postponing the evil day. These Pastor's Kids most times will always come back home worse than when they left.