Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 16 Chapter Fifteen: HANDLING DIFFICULT CHURCH MEMBERS

16 Chapter Fifteen: HANDLING DIFFICULT CHURCH MEMBERS



What Every Pastor's Kid Owes The Church Members

If you have not seen the worst of church members before, then you have not been a Preacher's Kid for too long. The meanest of people hide in the church. It can blow your mind the things that people can say and do. So you must learn how to deal with them.

Every Preacher's Kid knows that there are some members in your parent's church who are very difficult to please. No matter what you do, you still end up having clashes with them. Most times, they are not just guests or visiting members, they are long-standing members (either in good standing or not does not really matter) whom other members admire. Most of these are troublesome members because all they do is to cause trouble for the Pastor's Kids.

As a P.K, you have to get used to the excesses of your father's congregation; bad as they may be, they are your father's greatest asset in ministry. Although with them, there are likely to be some problems and challenges, but without them, there is really no ministry, all your father will have is just an empty church hall.

Do Not Take It Out On God

All pastors' kids are encouraged not to consider walking away from Christianity as a choice. Do not let what trusted church members do to you cause you to run away from God. Rather let it move you closer to God. Whatever happens, hold the forth. When a Preacher's Kid walks away from the faith, it is a poor testimony to the truth of Christianity. You may feel deeply hurt by the way church members have treated your parents, but it is not enough reason to turn your back on God.

It is not God who hurt you, it is the members. So why take it out on God! If there is anyone who can help you get over these hurts more than any other person, it is God. Keeping away from him will not do you any good. You need to get your mindset/argument right. This will help to put your case in the proper light and to reason straight. Who is your rebellion actually directed to? Is it towards God, your parents, or the church authority?

If the problem you have is with the church authority, you may consider a change of church denomination as long as you can convince your parents that it will bring an end to whatever shortcomings they complain about. It is safer for them to have you as an established Christian youth in another denomination than to have you as a rebellious believer in their own denomination.

This decision may not be very easy for them to accept, especially if you still live under the same roof with them but with prayers and constant encouragements God will minister to their hearts. However, you will need to let them see what the exact issues you have with their church authority is, whether it is with a personality or the doctrines and also assure them that the new denomination you are crossing over to is Bible-based with sound scriptural principles and not just a hip hop clubhouse with the signboard of a church of God. A whole chapter is devoted to this later on in this book.


If the problem is with your parents, in respect of the way they treat you whenever they are around their church members, you may need to sit them down and talk things over with them. Put sentiments aside and discuss practical issues you feel are affecting your relationship with God because of them. Let them see these things from your point of view; they may be things they have never thought of before now and discussing with them may just open their eyes to them. After the discussion, if it is not beyond their powers, they may decide to turn a new leaf.

Even if they do not, you should decide to serve God to the best of your ability irrespective of who is trying to be a stumbling block to you. No man should allow another, no matter how close he is to him, to become a stumbling block to him in this spiritual journey. All you owe them is to let them know how you feel about their actions, especially those which are against the scriptures. It is not your part to force them to change; leave that to the Holy Spirit to do. Only ensure that their lifestyle does not become the reason why you end up in hell.

If your problem is with God, you may need a counselor to confide in, and in this case, the counselor need not be your preacher-parents so as to allow you some level of freedom to actually divulge your grievances with God without being looked down upon as a rebelling Preacher's Kid. Whatever the issues you have with God, frustrations you have with Christianity, and anger you have against the Holy Spirit, a good counselor can always reason with you and explain to you the things you need to know so that you can reconnect with God.

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Be Closer To God

Rather than focus on members of the church who constantly make you unhappy and disinterested in the gospel service, you will do well to work more on your relationship with God. This is not just about pleasing members of your parents' church, or being in the church council's good record. You can be in their good record and still have an unpleasant relationship with your Creator. There is no way you can be in God's good book and still have any serious challenge with men who truly speak on behalf of God.

Avoid Hypocrites

Learn to spot the hypocrites in the congregation and avoid them. So many people are just men-pleasers. They place much more burden on you than they can bare themselves. Some of them just intentionally want to bully the Preacher's Kid to gain a position of authority over them so as to control them. Learn to identify them and carefully give them some space. Cautiously minimize your contacts with them, and when it is unavoidable that you meet them, handle them wisely.

Do Not Be Rude

Do not be discourteous or ill-mannered when dealing with them; two wrongs do not make a right. Be nice to every person in the congregation, even if they are rude to you! Do not forget that you are supposed to act like an angel because you are the Pastor's Kid. Even if you are mistakenly slapped on the right cheek, you must be ready to turn the other cheek. Therefore, do not wait until you are given the first slap, you may not have the comportment to turn the other one. Whenever someone is rude to you, you must respond in a polite way because you are not allowed to react the way you want to.

Be Willing To Forgive

The people who have hurt you may not even know that they have. Some of them may have even done whatever they did with honest intentions without knowing that they have stepped on your toes.

Keeping malice with them without letting them know what they have done wrong will make you act in an unchristian way. So, stand up to the one who hurts you and politely let him see what he has done wrong. Then, whether he apologizes or not, forgive him and forget the offence. Do not let their actions create an unforgiving spirit in you and cause you to spend your eternity where you have not planned to.

There are those who will intentionally make life difficult for you for no just cause. Be willing to forgive them too. Some members can be so cruel, insensitive, deceptive and evil. Still, forgive them! Forgive those who have made your life so hard. This is the whole essence of Christianity. God forgave us and allowed His Son to shed His blood for the remission of our sins while we were yet sinners, and we also should be willing to forgive those who trespass against us, without them asking for our forgiveness.

Respect All

Respect all those who are older than you, whether they are in your preacher-parent's good book or not. What matters is that they are older than you, and they deserve some respect. Let your parents settle their scores among themselves. Do not get entangled in a battle whose source you do not know. You are just the preacher's kid and not his barrister.

One way to show you respect all is by courteously greeting every member of the church who passes by you. This may indeed not be the true test of your respect for the person, but it can, on the surface, cover up a whole lot of anger and bitterness you have against the person.