Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 12 Chapter Eleven: SERMONIZING THE PASTOR“S KID AT HOME

12 Chapter Eleven: SERMONIZING THE PASTOR“S KID AT HOME



Most Pastors' Kids see their preacher-parents like the Pharisees and Sadducees, at the home front. This is because they keep reeling out so many laws, rules and regulations at home. There are just too many do's and don'ts, and the main issue here is, all the rules have scriptural backings, whether applicable or not.

Whenever there are minor issues at the home front, every scripture is interpreted or better put misinterpreted to chastise and rebuke the Pastor's Kid so as to meet the parent's selfish needs. No Preacher's Kid finds this funny. To him, it seems as though he is being robbed of his rights by the wrong applications of these scriptures.

At times, asking his parents a simple honest question at home can kick start a lengthy seminar, which unknown to him has been prepared for him months before, only waiting for a precious opportunity to be delivered to him. His innocent question just presents to them that opportunity. Everything his parents have been yearning to reprimand him about will be included in the hourlong tiring, message. His question becomes an occasion for them to give him a piece of their hearts, and this piece most times, is not always palatable. He ends up regretting asking such a sincere question and will prefer to stay in ignorance next time so as to avoid their reserved bitter capsules.

A WORD OF ADVICE TO THE PREACHER PARENT

The same rod a shepherd uses to discipline and correct can also be used to guide his sheep. The Psalmist says: 'Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me". If your children only find chastisement in your rod, and there is no comfort therein, they may be tempted to seek that comfort elsewhere, the result of which might not be too pleasurable.

Preaching to a ready audience in church who purposely left their homes to come hear their pastor communicate spiritual truths to them can be very educative and produce great transformations in the lives of your audience. Using the same approach at the home front will not produce the same level of result. If for every mistake that is made, a sermon is prepared from the Bible and they are forced to listen, it will only kill their interest in the Bible and they may begin to undermine the authority of the word of God.

Be a father at home, not a pastor. Do not sermonize at home, communicate with them.

When your children can no longer differentiate between sermon time in church and everyday conversation at home, trouble is brewing. If you are going to use the scriptures at home, let it be very applicable to their day to day life, interesting and conversational. Let it not be the same way you give your prepared sermons in church, with several outlines and exegesis. This constant sermonization at home will only succeed in crushing their passionate desires in the word of God, which is the exact thing you are trying to guard against.


One major problem with sermonizing is that most of the things you are going to preach to them at home, they have heard you preach before, either in church, or at the family altar, and they can always guess the next thing you are going to say. Such action is seen by the children as indoctrination and no matter how much you try to push your belief on them, it will soon bounce off them, because they never received it in the first place.

When communicating a Bible lesson, intercept it with secular examples and day to day applications that they can relate with. This will spur their interest more in the scriptures than just listening to Bible stories. Let them see that faith is much more than an idea from a big hallowed book. Let it come alive to them, and then it will come alive in them.

Learn to emphasize what is important; holiness, mercy and grace, and play down on what is not; rules, indoctrination and appearances.

Differentiate Church From Home

It is very difficult for most pastors to create a definite demarcation between church life and family life and this most times affects the family adversely. The church gets all the benefits, the family bears all the inconveniences. The church members are better off for it, the family members, especially the Pastor's Kids, are the worse off for it.

Differentiate between church and home; they are not the same. As a preacher-parent, you need to realize that you occupy two positions in their lives: their parent and their pastor, and you must know when to switch to what mode to achieve better results in raising a godly kid. The parenting mode is different from the pastoral mode. Be quick to identify when your ward needs the pastor in you and when he needs the parent in you. You are a pastor in a church, and a father at home. The two cannot be interchanged conveniently without generating unpalatable issues. When at home, your children need a parent, not a pastor. P.K.s need their dads to be dads, not pastoral counselors.

A Preacher's Kid wants to see dad and mom at home, and not just the pastor and his spouse. Most pastors still come home to play pastor to their kids. They are always quick to forget that they are, first, fathers at the home front, before being pastors to the same. If all you are to your child is a pastor, who will he relate to as father? You will deny him the opportunity of growing up in the loving hands of a caring father.

You must be able to draw a definite line between work and home, and between your children and your members. Your children are not just your members, they are your children, and so they need much more than a pastor at the home. They need a father. If the best love and care you show to them is not different from that you show to an average kid in the church, you have not started treating them as your children, but as church members.

You do not have to bother about raising your child as a Preacher's Kid. You only have to raise them as a normal average Christian kid that is god-fearing, and all other things will fall in place. There is a huge difference between the two. Let them grow up as a Christ-believing, God-fearing teenager or

youth whose caring and loving father is also a pastor. That way, they will appreciate you more as a father and appreciate your calling as a pastor as your God-ordained career.

Every shepherd needs to be constantly reminded that the sheep in the church are not much more important than the sheep at home. Do not just know this in your heart, but also let your members know from your actions that your kids are as important to you as theirs are to them, if not much more.

Give Them Freedom Of Speech

Allow your children to express their ideas and emotions without any sense of being judged, especially when they are at home. Never shut them down because you assume they are supposed to have known much more than that, or because you think they are asking questions to rebel against authority. Even if their intention is to rebel against constituted authority, if you take time to explain things to them in a reasonable way and appeal to their intellect, you are likely to change their opinions. A careful answer turns away wrath (Prov. 15:1).

If by your assessment, your kid is so stubborn, or immature, or troublesome, the solution is not to keep hitting him or screaming him down; you will drive him farther away from you and from the church. Learn to stoop low to conquer. Work on your relationship with him. This may take weeks or months or years, depending on how far he has gone, but grace will work for him, if you do not give up on him.

Rather than using the Bible to tongue-lash him every day, let there be a heart to heart talk between father and child, from time to time, and not just the word of the Lord from a pastor to a member. Don't always forget, you are not just their pastor, you are also their father, and they need to see both in you.

Do not be too busy to listen to your children; always spare time for them. Wherever there is open communication, barriers are broken down and long-lasting relationships are built. Constant open communications bring you closer to them. Let there be constant and uncluttered communication, during playtimes, worship times, meal times, every time and any time.

If you will feel bad to tell a church member who needs counseling that you are busy and turn him back, then you should feel worse to do the same to your child. If you don't, then you are neither their father nor their shepherd, you are just a hireling.

If need be, once in a while, turn others down in order to attend to your kids and family issues. It does not portray you as a bad church leader. Alternatively, it portrays you as a good father, and a good father will always be a good pastor.

Correct In Love

Some pastors, when in front of the church are modeled believer, gracious and loving, but at home when dealing with their children and wives are so cruel, impatient and unforgiving. They only spend the few minutes they have to stay at home to punish the children for offences committed hours, days, or weeks before. So, the children do not look forward to his coming. Home is always sweet without him.

Learn to be firm but gentle. Make the few hours you spend at home with them memorable. If you must discipline, then be consistent with discipline. Every punishment must be relative to the offense each time. It does not make much sense killing a mosquito with a sledgehammer!

Delegate Responsibilities Responsibly

Every time you discover that your time is being dominated by the church or its related activities, to the detriment of your family, reorder your priorities. In order to create some time for yourself and your family to be together, you may need to relieve yourself of some responsibilities in the church.

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Your problem may be traceable to the lack of genuine plurality in leadership. The pastor alone cannot "horde" all of the work and responsibilities that should be spread throughout a spirit filled and gifted congregation or leadership team.

Learn to delegate responsibilities and authorities. You already have enough on your plates meeting the spiritual needs of the people; you do not have to be the Chief Complaints Officer over every minor issue in the church again. In a church where there is a committee of elders, one person does not have to dominate the pulpit and still be in charge of every little detail of the church. Let the other leaders rise up and take their places.

Division of labor makes the task lighter and faster. You really do not have to fill your time up with every not-too-important activity, or activities that can be handled by someone else, just because you want to feel worthy or important or you want to please some members of the church council. If the responsibilities are rightly distributed amidst trustworthy hands, it relieves the pastor of a lot of stress such that he will have time for his family. This will also give some relief to the Pastor's Kid and a high level of freedom since every leader's kid will be held accountable the same way.

If Jesus died for the church then you don't have to do so again; it is needless. Give yourself a break; attend to your family.

A WORD OF CAUTION FOR THE PK

Sharing your dad with others 365 days of the year, including Father's Day may not be too comfortable, but if you constantly remind yourself that there is love in sharing, you will find it easier to do.

You may take a cue from God the Father, who gave His only begotten Son to be killed for the sins of the world, but through that action gained so many other sons.

You also may feel that your father's health may be deteriorating because of Church responsibility, but the joy is that so many other lives in the church and its environs are being blessed through this same life.