Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 9 Chapter Eight: CONSTANT CHANGE OF FRIENDS

9 Chapter Eight: CONSTANT CHANGE OF FRIENDS



One of the hardest parts of being a Preacher's Kid is saying goodbye to loved ones. If your parents work with large church denominations that have branches all over the country or all over the continent, there is the tendency that you may not really have a long-lasting deep relationship with any of your friends.

This is because, each time your parents are transferred from their present church to another church farther away to other parts of the country, or other parts of the world as the case may be, you lose the thriving relationships you have back there in your former home.

It is better now in the days of social media where you have numerous software and apps that have turned the whole world into a global village and you can still communicate with one another despite the distance. In the days of the snail mail, it used to be worse: blossoming relationships that Pastor's Kids have built over the years with their church friends, classmates, school mates, teachers and neighbors are brought to an untimely end abruptly, and that with no apology from anyone. The Preacher's Kids involved are expected to accept it in good faith, start building another set of relationships in their new location, which may also come to an unceremonious end in no time.

The Pastor's Kids, today, have been able to make up for these inadequacies by keeping in touch with their old friends through online communications. However, despite these developments in technology which have turned the world into a universal network, keeping real and genuine friendships that can span years of daily interactions and constant communication is still impossible.

The best the Pastor's Kids enjoy are just online communications with their old friends, which really does not produce the actual feeling you get by sitting side by side with a friend, discussing heartfelt issues for hours, getting a warm embrace, a pat on your back, a firm handshake as a sign of encouragement, or sharing cookies and a cup of ice cream together as an expression of love for one another. None of these is possible through online communications.

This brevity in Pastor's Kids relationships, caused by their parents' transfer from one location to another is so hard on many of them. It is not always easy to say goodbye to loved ones, friends, classmates, neighbors, and other kids in the church whom you have built a relationship with. This makes it difficult for Pastor's Kids to make real friends and develop genuine long-lasting relationships. The friendships they try to build are so superficial and they are more like acquaintances rather than intimate relationships.

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CONSTANT CHANGE OF ENVIRONMENT

Much more than the brief relationships, each time their parents have to move from the present primary place of assignment to another, so many things will change about the P.K.'s life: his house, his room, his church, his school, school friends, classmates and neighbors. All of these will change.

It may be very easy for adults to cope with these constant sudden changes, especially since it has to do with their chosen career, but it is not always easy for the Preacher's Kid who is just starting his life.

While the pastor who is on transfer to a new church is welcomed with applause and enthusiastically received by the expectant crowd that is waiting for their new pastor, the Pastors' Kids are left naked, stripped of all relationships and disconnected from every familiar face he has been used to. Neither in his new school nor his neighborhood is he being expected, so no one really welcomes him. He is more of a stranger than a guest and is treated as an outcast in the first few months in the new place.

The best person to help lighten the burden of this loss caused by the transfer to another church is his parents. Most times, though, they are preoccupied with thoughts of settling down to work, meeting with the new elders and deacons, so much so that the children, who do not want to add to the stress, become a second fiddle in the equation. All the Preacher's Kid is left to do is to keep his anger and frustration to himself until he is able to overcome these challenges.

A WORD OF CAUTION FOR THE PK

Face The Challenge

If your father has accepted the call of God in his life, there is nothing you can do about these constant transfers. You only have to get used to them. You do not have to be mad at your father for taking you far away from home. If he could help it, he would not have. It is beyond him. It is the sacrifice he needs to pay to prove his calling in order to achieve a successful ministry. Rather than sit at home and lament about it, tell yourself constantly that you can play down on whatever disadvantages this may portend and still manage to cope with the situation.

This is a fact, and I am sure you are aware of it; your father did not decide to relocate because he intentionally wants to hurt you or make life more uncomfortable for you. This decision is a tough one for him too. He only accepted it because it is part of his career requirements which he cannot turn down.

He needs to make a lot of sacrifices too, much more than you think you have to make. He does not even know what to expect from the members of the new church where he is being transferred to, whether they will be as accommodating as the ones he is leaving, or they will be hostile and unfriendly. He has his fears too. Although he may not be humble enough to admit this to you, he already feels bad about the situation he has put you into. Do not make it worse by rubbing it in. As much as you can, help him to settle down early enough and reduce his headaches and heartaches over you.

Ask For Grace

Moving will definitely not be easy. The stress involved in parking out loads of personal properties from the old location, and the one involved in parking into the new location, coupled with having to arrange and rearrange your personal effects every time there is a transfer may be really demanding. You can trust the One who has called your father into the ministry that He has the best interest of your father, and that of yours, at heart.

Ask Him for grace at such times when you feel your strength may be failing you. You will be surprised at what one can accomplish with divine assistance.

Enjoy The Moment

If you look more carefully on the positive side of things, you will see that it is actually a plus to you and not a minus. See the travelling around as excursions. Catch the excitement in each moment. Enjoy the thrill. Meet new people. See new places. Learn new cultures and new languages. Rather than let your friends feel sad for you for not enjoying their friendship for too long, you feel sad for them that they miss the excitements and the adventures.

Be Determined

Convince yourself that the constant change of school will not affect your performance in academic works, and mean it determinedly. Decide to make the best out of school, despite these seemingly disturbing transfers.

It will be a lame excuse to say the reason you have not done well academically is because your father gets transferred so often and you have to change school as often. Put in your all and still come out in flying colors.

A WORD OF ADVICE TO THE PREACHER PARENT

Alleviate Their Plight

Sincerely speaking, there is nothing wrong in asking your family members to sacrifice on your behalf when your work commitments require that you move them from where they are now to another place, but you must be ready to, if possible, completely eliminate, or try to reduce the impact of this relocation on them.

You must be ready to help your children go through this period of grief about their lost relationships. Accept full responsibility for whatever pain you cause your son or daughter during this period, and constantly let them know that their earthly daddy feels their pain too, and will as much as possible help them through it. This will assure them of their heavenly Father's comfort and assistance.

Be patient with them during this time. Give them a sense of security. Ask yourself, "What impact will this relocation have on each of my children? How will they be able to cope with it? How can I minimize the impact on each of them? Do exactly what your answers are.