Wuxiaworld > CHALLENGES OF PASTOR’S KID > 8 Chapter Seven: NEGATIVE REPORTS FROM CHURCH POLITICS

8 Chapter Seven: NEGATIVE REPORTS FROM CHURCH POLITICS



Every Preacher's Kid has a small window into the dark underbelly of the church through the chitchat undertone talks that go around in little corners of the house. Being exposed to the human side of the church at such a very tender stage is distressing for most of them.

The kind of things that go on in some churches can make even an adult dread going to church; talk less of a growing Preacher's Kid who has not yet found his footing in the Lord. Church politics can drive a Preacher's Kid mad: Jealousy envy, favoritism, prejudice and the like in the holy of holies can be demoralizing for a growing kid. Getting exposed to the backstabbing, cheating, and lying within the church body can change a Preacher's Kid's perspective of how to relate with people in leadership positions in the church.

He readily knows much more than he should about every family in church. His access to securely guarded information and the church's top-secrets about the frailties of esteemed men and the infirmities of spiritual leaders of the church are all at his fingertips. He has the very rare privilege of penetrating insights into the most sacred actions of the church and its hallowed members.

Preacher's Kid's put on the best masks. It's so funny when friends try to tell him the breaking news about the atrocities in the church without knowing that he already knew four months earlier. To make matters worse, such news is what he gets exposed to on a daily basis.

Preachers' Kids are pretty much the best secret keepers in church. As much as he knows so much about everyone, no one must know that he knows that much about them. He has to keep all of the people's secrets without either letting them discern what he knows about them or judge them by his words or actions.

Sad enough, if he dares make a mistake, everyone gets to know in church and he gets judged by the same people he has kept their secrets for so long. This is greatly unfair to him.

MALTREATMENT OF PASTORS

Many Pastors' Kids are greatly disappointed in the church and are not as committed as they once were, because of what they feel the church has done to their parents. They get to know about the political battles that arise from trivial matters and the power tussles between the power brokers in church and their pastor, who is his father.

All of these become a good source of discouragement to him. He gets disappointed about the leaders, discouraged about the church, and displeased about Christianity in general.

This untimely exposure to the difficult side of the ministry may create an unfavorable impact on the kids, and this impact may last till eternity.

A WORD OF CAUTION FOR THE PK

Excommunicate Tale Bearers

If you know that you do not have a strong grip over your emotions and that listening to the negative reports about trusted personalities in the church can affect your spiritual stand, then do yourself a favor, turn deaf ears to them.


Do not intentionally go looking for such news, knowing fully well what it will do to you. Your parents are unlikely to sit you down and begin to reel out the unpalatable news in church; they are more mature than that. If you mistakenly bump into your parents during such discussions, be quick to excuse yourself.

Purposely eliminate every source through which such news can get to you. If someone comes looking for you with the news, let him/her know that you are not interested. The Bible encourages every believer to guard their hearts with all diligence, and a major gateway to the heart is through the ears. When your ears are purged from hearing evil to some extent, your heart is not contaminated.

Avoid Unwelcomed Counseling Sessions

Also avoid staying with your father when he starts counseling sessions, either in his counseling room or in the family sitting room, which most times always serves as an alternative, emergency counseling room for most pastors. The things people say during counseling, most times, are not so palatable. So many secrets long kept are revealed to a trusted counselor during these sessions. If you know that listening to the person who is confiding in your father may make you lose respect for the person, leave the room. You are not the counselor in the first place, so excusing yourself, if it will save you the troubles that may follow, will be the best thing to do.

Don't Aggravate Issues

Look beyond the negative side of the ministry. The church is filled with people who, though may be saved, but still have their own weaknesses, just like everyone. If you take offence at their shortcomings, and you allow them to affect your relationship with God, or with the people of God, you may have yourself to blame for it in the future. Look beyond them and look at the bigger picture, the blood washed body of Christ.

The church is a family, and like every normal family, there are occasional disagreements, but they get sorted out amicably and everyone continues to live like one big family. Even the best of congregations have their own conflicts. This does not mean that the salvation they confess is not real; neither does it mean they are hypocritical. It only means they are being human by allowing the operations of the unregenerated minds get the best of them.

If you get to know about these disagreements, rather than take sides and pick offence, in your own little way, look for a way to bring everyone back as one big family. This is better than fuelling the fire. Be a solution provider and not a problem amplifier. Do not aggravate the issues, rather, reduce the effects.

A WORD OF ADVICE TO THE PREACHER PARENT

Keep All Church Skeletons In Your Cupboard

Do not let your children get the unpalatable news of events happening in your church, especially when they are still not spiritually matured to handle such. They are not your church council members; they are your family members. Let the members of the church council decide church issues while members of the family decide family issues. Let church conflict remain in the church, and do not bring it home.

Discussing the shortcomings of respectable people in the church in the presence of your children at home will be doing all the parties involved a great disservice. It destroys the integrity of the person being spoken about, poisons the mind of your kids, and makes you less than a good pastor since you derive pleasure in spreading bad news about your flocks.

Keep your dirty linen to yourself. Pastor's Kids will naturally see enough without you telling them. Why make it worse for them by bringing them into other people's private matters. You will only succeed in making them lose respect for the person, and they may assume that every other highly placed personality in the church also has one form of skeleton in their cupboard. This small thought today, can become a great blow on their spiritual stand in the future.

Kids Take Sides

Most times when kids overhear details about church conflicts, whether they are told directly or they overhear when one parent narrates the story to another, they take sides. They feel offended that someone in church insulted their father, and so gets bitter against the person for taking undue advantage of their father because he is a pastor and cannot fight back.

Over time, their father and the other party settle their differences for the sake of the gospel, but the children will not have the opportunity to meet the person and settle their own differences with him. They carry this heavy burden of hatred and bitterness for a longer time than the people who are really directly affected. This is why you must be careful about what you let your children hear.

Rest Your Case With God

Every minister needs to be careful how he reacts whenever he is not too pleased with the actions of individuals and corporate bodies in the church, either to him directly or about their personal lives. The church authorities and its leaders may not have treated you fairly, but always put the Church of Christ first in every decision you want to take.

Protect the reputation of Jesus' Church. It is not just about the people involved, it is about the God involved. Men may judge your case and condemn you over a matter where you are completely innocent and should be justified, but there is a God who is called the Righteous Judge of the whole world, who sees the maltreatment meted out on His servants for His name's sake, and who is quick to defend and justify them at the appointed time. Let your case rest with Him.

Pastor's Spouse: Beware

Pastors' spouses should be careful, since they are likely to spend more time with the children, not to paint a bad image of the church or members of the church before the children. Do not make complaints that paint the picture that the church is making their father suffer or taking advantage of him.

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If you keep criticizing the narrow-mindedness and self-centeredness of the church members, it will not encourage the kids to love their father's church; it will only build more hatred in them. Rather than say it the way it is, speak words of hope, even when things are very tough. This is what your husband preaches; it is called positive confession.